


The Aftermath

by mellyb6



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Forehead Kisses, Hurt Magnus, Hurt/Comfort, I'm proud of her, M/M, Mentions of Simon, Mentions of Suicide, Post 3x10, aka jace, alec is bitter, because no magic, heart to heart maryse/magnus, mama lightwood, maryse has come so far, people are injured, people are unconscious, strong drinks, ultimate boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 06:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15576318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellyb6/pseuds/mellyb6
Summary: Maryse comes to the Institute to check on Alec after he's been injured on his fight against the Owl. She ends up comforting more than just her son.





	The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> -I don't remember if they specifically told Maryse if Jace had been possessed by Lilith and I couldn't be bothered with watching the eps again because the last 9 weeks have turned by brain to jello. So let's just say they did. And le't's blame Flipflop for me not being able to remember. 
> 
> -I thought it'd be interesting to see what happens after 3x10 through Maryse's eyes since she had to sit that fight out. 
> 
> -English isn't my first language, I apologize for any grammar mistakes.

Everything is chaos in the Institute but at least no one bats an eye when Maryse walks in. She's let in by the kind Shadowhunter who stood up for her the first time she visited after being deruned. She doesn't know his name and would certainly be confused by all the new faces working in the op center if she didn't have more pressing matters at hand. It's well into the evening and yet everyone is in a rush and her heels click on the tiles. She clutches her phone in her hand because she needs to have a grip on something to keep the anguish concealed.

 

“Isabelle,” the Shadowhunter speaks up and her daughter looks up from her seated position on the couch, her hand clasped in the vampire's.

 

Simon, Maryse thinks that's his name. He's Clary Fairchild's best friend. Or her boyfriend. She can't quite keep up with the girl's antics.

 

He's prostrated now, not moving, a blank look in his eyes, red from crying. Numb from pain and Isabelle is so gentle, letting go of his hand and patting his shoulder. She whispers that she'll be back but gets no answer.

 

“Thanks,” she tells Underhill. “Let me know when you have any news.”

 

“Will do.” And then he's off briskly.

 

Isabelle sighs. “He's in charge. Until...I couldn't do it tonight.”

 

Maryse doesn't let her finish. She checks her daughter from head to toe, looking for signs of injury and when she's satisfied she won't find any, she engulfs her in a hug. Isabelle clings to her mother, burrowing in the crook of her neck and she can feel Maryse's heartbeat against her skin. Too fast. A mirror of her own. Her hands are shaking.

 

“Are you okay?” Maryse breathes out, anxious.

 

“I'm fine, mom.”

 

“What happened?”

 

Isabelle looks back at Simon who's still muted and nudges her mother away from him in a foolish attempt at sparing him more pain, even though she's fully aware it's useless. He could hear everything if he chose to.

 

“There was an explosion.”

 

“I know.” Luke said they were going to make it look like a gas pipe burst but she couldn't care less about what mundanes might know or believe right now. She's still clutching her daughter's arm.

 

“Simon...Lilith's gone. All the mundanes she had under her spell are free from any demonic possession.”

 

“And Jace?”

 

“Jace, too.”

 

“Oh, thank the Angel.”

 

Because that's a happy news. At least there are some. To have him fully back.

 

“Magnus freed him. He's himself again. He's....resting. They've had to sedate him for now.”

 

“Is he hurt, too?”

 

Nobody told her that. One of her children injured is too much already. There's a sickness in Maryse's stomach which hasn't left since getting Isabelle's text and she knows it won't leave so long as Alec isn't out of danger and fully recovered. She needs to see her son.

 

Isabelle hurries after her on their way to the medical center. Her heart aches now that the adrenaline of the fight has subsided. Her muscles ache as well and her mind is in a jumble she can't focus on anything properly without being assaulted by terrible thoughts. She still doesn't clearly remember how they made it all back to the Institute.

 

“He's ok, mom. He was incoherent because of Alec and he wanted to....Clary. He thinks we've lost Clary.”

 

Isabelle refuses to give in to the idea. She's tracking her friend, they're all tracking her, no matter how somber Simon is, how desperate and defeated Jace was. She refuses to believe that Clary is gone for good.

 

“She was right there at the heart of the explosion and...we couldn't find her afterwards and...”

 

Isabelle pushes her hair back, her hand shaking and Maryse opens her mouth but doesn't say anything. The pain is palpable, from Simon's grief to her daughter's pain, to the frenzy in the entire Institute.

 

“She's always defied the odds, that girl. And she's had the best trainers, Izzy.”

 

Maryse offers a kind smile and Isabelle breathes out, still unable to comprehend how it all went so wrong when they've actually defeated the Greater Demon who was plaguing them. There's warmth spreading under her skin from where her mother is rubbing her arm gently.

 

“If someone can make it out of this, it's her,” Maryse adds, resolute to give her daughter any comfort she can when, to be honest, her mind can't quite focus on anybody else but her own children.

 

Isabelle sinks into another hug, so thankful that her mom is there because deep down, Isabelle is so worried and tired she doesn't know how she's still standing up. Seeing Alec on the ground, thinking he was already dead, it keeps coming back to her whenever she blinks and it's suffocating. The thoughts of having to be there for her friends and to make sure her brother stays alive are the energy she's running on.

 

She expects Magnus to be by Alec's side when they reach the medical center because that's where he's been for the last hour. But there's no one minding the injured except the doctor on duty. Jace is still sleeping as soundly as is possible given the situation.

 

Maryse hurries to Alec's bed, terrified by the arm still in a sling and the bandages covering her son's chest. She rubs his brow ever so softly, worried the touch might hurt him further. His eyelids are closed and his skin is so pale, he looks so sick that her heart breaks. She inhales sharply in order not to cry.

 

It feels like only yesterday when Max was in the same position and they thought they were going to lose him. She can't lose Alec either. Her beautiful and strong son.

 

“Why haven't used an _iratze_?”

 

“We did,” Isabelle assures her. She has. Jace tried but couldn't quite do anything. The medics have. “But Jace was...he was under Lilith's spell and that type of magic did something to Alec's arm.”

 

“Jace?”

 

Isabelle cringes at the shocked gasp and Maryse wipes her head towards her other son. She closes her eyes. He wasn't himself. It's not his doing. Not his fault. No wonder they gave him a sedative. Knowing he's done this to his brother, to his _parabatai_....

 

“We've used an _iratze_ a couple of times already and each time it seems to be healing better. He'll be fine in the end.”

 

“How about this?”

 

Maryse points at the wound close to Alec's heart and she doesn't think she can handle the specifics just about now. Picturing her boy almost dying...Her voice breaks, her hand trembles and she snatches it back, sits down by Alec's side. She should have been there to protect her children. This was too great of a mission to not use all the help and extra skills they could have. She should have helped.

 

“Electrum. From...,” Isabelle catches herself though. Her mother is distressed enough. “It was tricky to remove but once he was under anesthetic it was rather quick to remove.”

 

She must admit she's been breathing a little more easily since the procedure. It hurts nonetheless to see her big brother unconscious.

 

“Has he been asleep ever since?”

 

“He's too agitated otherwise. It was either that or Magnus was going to leave to help him stay calm and I...we couldn't have that.”

 

Why does it feel like tonight is the end of the world as they've known it for these past months? An Apocalypse of sorts even though nobody, she has to believe this- nobody has died? Alec thinking more about his boyfriend's well-being than his own despite bleeding and being in terrible pain, despite the fever...Isabelle rubs at her eyes.

 

“But he'll be fine?” Maryse insists.

 

“Eventually, yes.”

 

“You'll all be fine,” she says, perhaps more for her sake than her daughter's. Isabelle slides her arm around her mother's waist and rests her head on her shoulder.

 

“We will.”

 

They sit in silence, the tedious noise of medical instruments surrounding them and Maryse chases the drops of sweat on Alec's forehead, wiping it clean. Her fingers might be digging into her daughter's palm from where their hands are clasped yet there's no complaint.

 

“I should have been there to help,” Maryse blames herself out loud. A defeated whisper and once again she feels ashamed of what her downfall has brought about.

 

“There's nothing more you could have done, mom. What, you would have killed Jace to save Alec?”

 

Maryse might have done so, not so long ago. It's a prospect she could not even consider nowadays.

 

Isabelle's eyes are loving. Forgiving. “None of us could have done it. Alec himself couldn't do it. And if we had lost _you_...”

 

She can't finish her sentence. She clutches her mother tighter.

 

Although Maryse despises it, she is more vulnerable without her runes. She's weaker. Certainly not capable of taking on Greater Demons. She stands up taller, shakes her head, clears her throat.

 

“Did you inform your father?”

 

“I left him a message but he hasn't replied yet.” Isabelle checks her phone again for good measure. Nothing. “I'm sure he'll be here as soon as he can find a warlock to portal him to New York.”

 

Maryse feels a flash of annoyance at her ex-husband, which is an emotion she is familiar with, one she can work with. A distraction.

 

“I'm going to call him, too. He needs to be there.”

 

She brushes her lips against Alec's cheek. The softest of touches. His skin is hot and yet the fingers she'd been holding were cold. So cold. She needs some air.

 

Her strides towards her son's office are controlled and confident as she crosses hallways she used to lead with authority. Her entire stance dares the Shadowhunters she encounters to object to her presence in the building but none would dream of doing so tonight. Her son almost died.

 

At least she can channel her rage at Robert once she's redirected to his voicemail. And when she's done, pressing the “end” button a bit too harshly, she pours herself a generous drink from the bottle which has been in the cupboard for years. She wipes the few tears on her cheeks away, glances at how organised Alec's desk it. The whiskey burns her throat and settles her nerves a little. She smoothes her damp hands on her blouse.

 

* * *

 

The Shadowhunters' living quarters are quieter, most doors are closed except for the one Maryse is looking for. There's light shining through the crack of the door left ajar. The wood creaks slightly when she pushes it open.

 

“Hello,” she says softly and she can notice how Magnus' shoulders tense from where he's facing away from her. He's standing in front of Alec's open closet.

 

“Oh, hello,” he replies, trying to sound cheerful but she knows he's in the same state of mind as she is. He barely tilts his head towards her. His hand comes up to his face and somehow he can't help but sniffle and he hates himself for it.

 

“I've never been in his room here before,” he states matter-of-factly. Because it's easier to be themselves in his loft than in the Institute. It's warmer, cosier, homier. “But there was this dreadful rips in his sweater from....and I figured he needed a new one but his favorite is at my place and I can't...I can't...go. I don't quite know the way or the subway route and...”

 

Magnus balls his fists at his sides, frustrated and hating himself for rambling. For being useless. He's never been useless before. He loathes the sensation. Especially when the timing couldn't be worse.

 

“Alec doesn't have an extremely diverse wardrobe, as you must have noticed.”

 

“I've certainly seen more colorful ones.”

 

“Isabelle seems to have inherited most of the family's fashion sense.”

 

“From you, obviously.”

 

Maryse can hear the hint of a smile in his voice and that's enough for now.

 

“I'm sure that whatever you get for Alec will be fine.”

 

She can feel the tightness in Magnus' muscles under her palm when she presses gently on his shoulder and he turns his head so briefly but she manages to catch a glimpse of gold in his eyes nonetheless. She swallows her surprise as best as she can.

 

She prides herself in having overcome most of her prejudice and she's seen first hand how good Magnus has been to and for her son. How Alec has embraced what makes him him. What makes him happy and how he's been becoming the great leader he was always supposed to be, with all the support and the love she never believed he'd have one day. Regardless of what others might think. Alec is an inspiration. Even for her. Magnus belongs with Alec now, she can't quite imagine it any other way and that means she's seeing more of him and she wouldn't have it any other way.

 

It's still a shock to see his warlock mark so exposed. He's always so careful with glamouring it.

 

Magnus moves away from her touch, busying himself with picking up a sweater that he cradles to his chest. He's resolutely not looking at her now. His shoulders are a bit slumped.

 

“I was just in Alec's office and there's a picture that has been there forever and since it's not anymore, I assumed it might be here? That he moved it?”

 

Her son's bedroom is stark to say the least. Her eyes roam over the furniture until she does find what she was looking for on the mantelpiece, amid worn out books and a forgotten stele.

 

“We'd just taken Jace in,” she explains, her pants ruffling on the wooden floors as she takes the few steps to reach and run a fingertip along the frame. Magnus can't help but look over. “It took an entire afternoon to have a decent picture. Max wouldn't stop fussing. I remember Isabelle and Jace bickering over who would get front stage and Alec kept complaining that he was missing some practice because of that. And then Max threw up on him and he had to change.”

 

She chuckles at the memory and Magnus has to look closely at the picture of all those Shadowhunters. So young, and small and fragile. At Alec's scowl and the tight grip Izzy has on her baby brother. At Jace awkwardly standing between his new siblings and at Max who seemed to be the only one enjoying himself when his mother finally snapped the picture.

 

“We had ice cream afterwards. The five of us.” So long ago and yet it seems like it was yesterday to her. “And Alec had a double practice to make up for the one he'd missed.”

 

So young and so dedicated already. So determined to prove his worth and he's done so. Still so fragile, life so fleeting and Magnus squeezes his eyes shut, tries to stop the horrible thought that he could have lost Alec tonight and it would have been his fault. For being too late. For not being able to properly help. For being a burden while Luke and Izzy and even Simon were frantically trying to save Alec.

 

He digs his fingernails in his boyfriend's sweater.

 

“Thank you, Magnus.”

 

Maryse's voice finds a way to him through the negative thoughts. Gentle as ever. He can still remember how she used to spit her words at him, hate and disgust in her eyes and it's a comfort tonight, how things have changed and improved between them.

 

“For saving Jace,” she adds.

 

“Alec couldn't live withouth him so...it's what I had to do.”

 

“Whatever you did, however you managed it, I'm sorry for ever thinking that Downworlders were selfish. You've done so much for our family.”

 

“I couldn't save Alexander from being injured, though.”

 

He can't stop the shaking in his words, how awful he feels. How bitter and exhausted and terrified he is. How clueless because there's so much to process and yet, he can't do anything until Alec is out of danger.

 

“He will get better. And I'm sure you did everything you could...,” Maryse starts, trying to catch his eyes again. She won't be taken by surprise this time. She's taken aback by the shout.

 

“I couldn't! I couldn't heal him and I couldn't even lessen his pain and I....I just had to wait for someone else to help, like some...useless...I can't...I don't...”

 

He looks furious in spite of the stammering, golden eyes glowing and he looks down, expecting, out of habit, to have to calm down to keep the magic from sparkling at his fingertips and burning Alec's clothes. Except....there's nothing. He's empty and he's drained. He drops his hand back down. His shoulders slump again and the fury leaves his body as fast as it arrived.

 

That's when it all downs on Maryse. Why they haven't resorted to warlock magic to help Alec heal faster. Why Isabelle hasn't made Magnus portal straight to Los Angeles to get her father. Why Magnus can't go back to get that beloved sweater Alec is supposedly fond of. Why his eyes show.

 

“Magnus...did you...did you trade your _magic_ to help Jace?”

 

“I did what I had to do.”

 

He aims for detached, still feeling the anger from failing to help Alec. His eyes are hollow and she can clearly see he's been crying. It sounds like such a huge, selfless sacrifice that she's speechless, her other worries forgotten for a moment.

 

“I'll be fine,” Magnus assures her as she starts towards him. He has some dignity left, despite his outburst and he takes a step back. He doesn't want or need pity. Perhaps he should just go back home. Not until Alexander is fully recovered, though. “Alec is the one who needs us right now.”

 

“But...”

 

“I'll be fine, Maryse. As long as Alec and Jace are.”

 

Her phone chimes and so does Magnus'. Or Alec's. The one he has on him because his own is still on his desk, back at home. It's not like there's cell service in Edom and he didn't think he'd need it to call Cat. Which is another thing he's upset about.

 

“Alec's awake. He's asking for you,” Maryse reads out loud.

 

“Yes, I'll be right there.”

 

His make up is smudged and she can obviously see he needs to compose himself, alone, in the fragile solace he had found in the empty room before she barged in. He's so much older than her, he's seen and probably endured so much and yet he's chosen to help _her_ family, to do things she would have never dreamt of. To go above and beyond. He looks so different right now. He looks...human and she supposes that's what he is. What she is, too. It must be breaking his heart.

 

She treads carefully yet resolutely, her arms graceful and soft. Magnus is aware he could back out of the comfort he's denied before. It's the first soothing touch he's had in hours, though. Amid his tragedy and loneliness, it comes from Maryse Lightwood of all people. His world has indeed been turned upside down. At least Alec must have calmed down if Izzy has relayed his request.

 

Despite himself and his better judgement, Magnus sinks into Maryse's embrace. Slightly.

 

“Perhaps I can relate or perhaps I can't but no matter the deal you've made, no matter which Greater Demon you made it with, it's still a deal and deals can be undone.”

 

A dry chuckle escapes Magnus because it's his father they're talking about. There's no way in actual hell he'll settle for anything less than Magnus going to stay in Edom and that is not happening. Not ever again. Magnus would rather mourn the loss of his magic for the rest of his life than abandon Alec to rule over Hell. It's brought too much suffering in the past. And this is not a spur of the moment decision. It's not made in the heat of battle. Magnus would rather die than join Asmodeus.

 

And he'd rather not die yet. Not if it means leaving Alexander by himself.

 

He hugs Maryse back nevertheless for a brief moment and she's smiling fondly, sadly when she pulls back. She smoothes the front of his shirt, straightens it a little.

 

“And if it helps, there is some rather strong liquor in Alec's office.”

 

She does care and he didn't quite expect that much from her. Magnus' eyes actually do twinkle at the words and he smiles back. Then she grabs the picture and she's off swiftly.

 

* * *

 

Her heart thuds to see her child awake, afraid she won't be able to relieve him of his pain but relieved to be able to speak with him.

 

Alec is awkwardly trying to sit in his bed, too weak still to protest too loudly about the medic monitoring and fussing around him, but not weak enough to not roll his eyes at her. He wishes she would stop and just let him go. He has things to do. Matters to settle. Shadowhunters missing. He has to check on Magnus.

 

He cradles his injured arm to his chest, feels the ache in his bones even after so many hours. He feels the soreness in his chest whenever he takes a breath. Izzy won't stop eyeing carefully, gaze darting from him to the door, to the quiet in the other room where Jace is resting. In spite of how much Alec is hurting, they got _him_ back and that's a victory. Regardless of how it came to be. Alec can't believe it, can't even imagine what Magnus is going through. He needs to check on him. He needs to see Magnus.

 

“Sir,” the medic shoots him a warning look, pointing at how erratic his heartbeat is growing. He'd tell her to get lost, he'd tell them all but Izzy isn't even on his side on this and he'd rather not be sedated again. He'd rather be calling the shots in here as well. It's apparently not his place to do so.

 

“I'll go check on Simon,” Isabelle says as soon as their mother is back.

 

“He can have one of the guest rooms,” Alec decides. He's been briefed on what happened with Lilith and even though he finds the vampire infuriating, he's helped them tremendously. Alec can't even begin to understand how he must feel, thinking the worse, being the cause of Clary missing. “It wasn't his fault. He couldn't have known what would happen.”

 

Isabelle squeezes his fingers.

 

“Right. He won't believe that. I'll try to make him stay, if he hasn't left already.”

 

But she's pretty sure Simon is still in the Institute. She's asked the others to keep their eyes on him and she hasn't had any message about her friend trying to leave.

 

Alec watches her go and his mother puts the photograph by his bed.

 

“Hi, sweetheart.” She smoothes his hair and usually he'd hate it. Not tonight. Tonight he needs it. “You've scared me.”

 

They're Shadowhunters, fighting is at the core of who they are, injuries are always a possibility but when it comes to her children, Maryse will never get used to it. The fear of losing them, of them dying before she does, it would certainly kill her. Alec's fingers clutch hers and that's real. She's hanging on to it.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Don't be. You just focus on getting better.”

 

“I'll be on my feet by morning.”

 

He pointedly ignores the medic's stares. This won't happen on her watch so he'll have to wait for the next shift to evade whoever's on duty then and once he's back in the game, no one will make him lie down in this bed again.

 

“I've brought you this to cheer you up.”

 

“Thanks.” Alec winces as he makes to grab the frame. He grits his teeth. He settles back in the bed and lets his mother give him some water. “I took it out of the office when Aldertree was here because I didn't know what he'd do with it. I thought it'd be safer in my room but I'm hardly ever here anymore and...You should have it, mom. For your new place.”

 

“Who says I don't have a copy? You keep it. Bring it to Magnus'.”

 

“I don't know...I don't know if he'll want me there so much now.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I mean, we had kind of a fight and then...”

 

“I don't know about that but I know what happened today and...”

 

“It's my fault. I said I couldn't live without Jace and I know it was dangerous for him to go to Edom, he knew it but he wanted to anyway, to save Jace because of me and...I didn't want him to have to give up his magic, mom! I never wanted that. I never wanted him to give up so much of him for me and he's gonna resent me for it and...”

 

“Sir!” comes the second warning of the last minutes. Maryse can see how worked up Alec is getting. She can hear the distress and anxiety in his voice. How it matters more than how much he's physically hurting. She forces Alec to lie still.

 

“He did it because he must love and care for you so much, Alec. So, so much.” He closes his eyes at her fingers thoroughly bushing his hair. He takes a long breath, shifts on the bed, ignores the stab of pain in his muscles. “And you're so lucky to have found him, sweetheart. To have someone willing to make those kinds of sacrifices for you. It's rare and it's precious and it happens only once in a lifetime. And not even to everyone. But it's happened to you.”

 

He's aware of all of this. He never wants to let it go.

 

“It won't be easy but you love him, too.” Alec rests his head on his pillow because he never thought he'd hear his mother be so supportive and it heals some of his heartache. “He's not alone and you'll help him. We will.”

 

That's a promise she can totally keep. If Magnus wants her help. He may not ask for it, may not want anyone's but Alec's, may not even want his, but she knows her son will not let the warlock -are you still a warlock if you can't do magic?- push him away.

 

Not when she can see how impatient Alec is to have Magnus with him.

 

“Whatever your fight was about, you'll get through it. Together. So you're keeping the picture. Besides, I've already told Magnus all about it so there's no point trying to hide it from him.”

 

“Great.” If the sarcasm is any indication, Alec is already on the mend. “Where is he? Where's Magnus? Did he go back home?”

 

“He was getting you some fresh clothes. Don't worry.” Alec nods, rolls his shoulder just to see how it feels. He hates demons with a passion.

 

* * *

 

Magnus hurries in the hallways, feeling the eyes on him, which is not much different than usual except he knows he's a mess and this type of news travels like wildfire. He wouldn't be surprised if the entire Institute already knew of his predicament. He wouldn't even expect less than the word being out in the Downworld as well. But that's a problem for later.

 

People look away whenever their eyes happen to catch his and he hates the whispers trailing behind him. He usually doesn't care, but add that to his powerlessness, he loathes it.

 

Izzy is the only one offering a kind smile when he spots her on the other side of a room, her arm around Simon's shoulders as she holds a warm blanket to his back. Simon barely notices what's happening around him. So deep in his shock and his grief that Magnus wishes he could help. He can't help anyone anymore and it's a stab to his heart. He can't even process the fact that Clary was in the middle of that explosion. He can hardly process most of what has happened since he's returned from Edom.

 

The thing powering him through the dark night hours is the fact that Alexander is alive and that his smile lights up his entire face when he notices Magnus entering the medical center.

 

“Hey,” Alec breathes out, and somehow his breathing evens out. His shoulders relax.

 

“I'll go check on Jace,” Maryse decides. “Do not exhaust yourself,” she warns, pointing a stern finger at her son. Alec glares and Magnus waits until her steps have receded to take her place by Alec's side.

 

“Hi, darling.” His rings are cool against Alec's fingers but his lips are soft and warm on his forehead and Alec sinks into the feeling. He lets out a content sigh when Magnus' finger trails along his forehead and his cheek. He can see his reflection in one of the glass doors and he knows he looks dreadful.

 

“I'm gonna need some of your hightlighter, I think.”

 

“Concealer, you mean.”

 

“Right, that, too.”

 

Magnus laughs quietly, glad to see that Alec is back to being himself. He sits down and continues his soothing exploration of his boyfriend's face. He traces the deflect rune methodically, happy with the silence for now. Alec will be all right.

 

“Thank you for staying with me,” he whispers after a while and Alec opens his eyes, diving into the beauty of Magnus' gaze. Except there's sadness in it tonight. Alec can't look away.

 

“I told you, not going anywhere. Going nowhere right now, or so it seems.”

 

“Not until you're fully healed, no.”

 

Alec looks at him in disbelief.

 

“You, too?”

 

“Doctor's orders. And be nice about it because I don't want to have to restrain you like we did earlier.”

 

There's genuine concern in Magnus' words and Alec shuffles on his bed.

 

“I was worried about you.”

 

“Which I appreciate. More than you can imagine. But I wasn't the one bleeding to death.”

 

“That's a tad exaggerated.” Alec cocks his head. He watches his boyfriend struggle with what he wants to say.

 

“I...you know I've loved and cared for many before meeting you but I've never, ever in my life come close to the fright you've given me tonight. Never. I've never loved anyone like I love you, Alexander and I thought I was going to lose you...”

 

“You didn't. You can't get rid of me that easily.” Alec doesn't need to have been in any other relationship to know that Magnus is it. It's a fuzzy, comfortable feeling in his gut that makes him feel better and stronger.

 

Magnus bends down and kisses Alec's lips. The kiss muffles a happy sigh from his boyfriend, his hand cupping Alec' face tenderly. They rest their foreheads together and Alec smiles to hide the wince caused by a shot of pain in his arm.

 

“I love you,” Magnus repeats.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“I didn't mean what I said the other day, over breakfast. When we...had our fight. About your problem being that you haven't been in any other relationship. This would never be a problem. It doesn't have to do with anything.”

 

“I don't want to be in any other.”

 

“It just, it made me realize, your issue with my mementos and all, that one day you might be gone and I'll be left behind and tonight came too close. Way too close. You've made me believe in love again and you are _not_ allowed to scare me like this ever again.”

 

Magnus couldn't forgive himself if he lost Alec to a fight, to a demon. Not if he didn't have the means to save him.

 

“Ok,” Alec chuckles at the severe tone. He senses the fragility behind the words, the guard Magnus has put up to protect his heart and how he's baring himself to his boyfriend. “Let's just cancel your box as far as I'm concerned.”

 

“Agreed.”

 

This time it's Alec who reaches for another kiss, he doesn't care if people can see them. He kisses Magnus' smile and swallows his little laugh. He's found a rock, something, someone solid and secure to hang on to. Someone he can rely on and that he loves with every fiber of his being. The feeling so intense sometimes he looks at Magnus and can't comprehend how it's real. When he got so lucky. But it's real and it's here. They're together and at least their love is safe and sure even though the rest might not be.

 

Alec shivers and Magnus pulls back.

 

“I've brought you a new sweater,” he remembers, reaching for it at the foot of the bed. There are only bloody shreds left of the one Alec wore earlier. Torn to pieces by Izzy and then the medics in their effort to save him. “But in hindsight, seeing your arm is still injured...”

 

“It's fine. She just did an _iratze_ before you got here. Again. For like, the tenth time.”

 

And she wouldn't let him do it himself. She couldn't trust him with being patient and moderate in trying to heal his wounds.

 

As much as Alec wants it to be fine, it hasn't quite reached that stage yet. He groans, his face constricts in pain and Magnus gives up on the sweater, dropping it on the floor.

 

“I should have just taken a shirt. Black or grey?”

 

Alec narrows his eyes at the joke, his heart thrilled that Magnus can actually tease him. For about two seconds before it breaks again.

 

Because without thinking, out of habit, Magnus makes to conjure a shirt for his boyfriend. Only for his entire face to fall the moment he remembers and his hand thuds against the side of the bed. He wants to scream his despair out, to have lost what is so inherently him, what is familiar and comfortable. What makes him whole.

 

His own pain be damned, Alec pulls him into a hug. Magnus' face burrows in his shoulder and he comes willingly because this is Alexander. He's about the only person right now whose presence Magnus can tolerate. Nobody else matters.

 

The wound on his chest is still aching but Alec endures it all. The ghost feeling of the arrow in his flesh, the sensation that he came this close to dying, that Magnus would have lost him. That he would have left his family behind. He pushes it all to the back of his mind.

 

“We'll get your magic back. You have my word.”

 

Magnus shivers, shakes his head. It's a rotten feeling. Nothing has prepared him for it. The words are raw. It was easy to accept Asmodeus' deal when it was a matter of life or death. Speaking about it, living in its aftermath, Magnus can't do it. He's been closed off for so long, barely showing how he truly felt and he's only just started opening up. But this is a festering wound and putting it into words...It's almost impossible.

 

“Magnus, what is it?”

 

“It's not just that...I mean, it feels like I've been broken in two, shattered from the inside out. Being without magic. But it's also...It's everything and...”

 

“What is?”

 

“You know how you worried about what would happen when you'd grow old and I wouldn't? At least now, you don't have to.”

 

Every single word drips wih hatred and bitterness and although Alec knows it's not directed at him -or he hopes so- it still hurts to listen to them. To have lost what Magnus has had all of his life. To lose his very essence, Alec is grieving for Magnus.

 

“You can't know that.”

 

“I can just feel it, Alec. I can't quite explain it.”

 

Everything about him is off. Magnus doesn't feel like himself anymore. As if he's a completely different person inhabiting a body which is not his own. Alec is the only constant.

 

“Well, we'll get your magic _and_ your immortality back.”

 

“I thought you resented my being immortal.”

 

Alec takes some time to reply. His hand is clasped on Magnus' back, not letting go, even when he pulls back to look at his boyfriend.

 

“You've suffered so often in the past, for all these years, watching the people you loved die that I hated myself for one day having to subject you to it again.”

 

Magnus grows quiet at the heartfelt confession. Alec is gripping his hand now. So tightly it's starting to feel numb. He's hardly blinking, staring at Magnus with fierce intensity.

 

“I don't ever want to change who you are. I've never wanted that. I want you to be happy and clearly this is not a happy outcome. So if I have to go to Edom and face your father myself, I'll do it.”

 

There's such resolve in Alec's voice that Magnus doesn't see how he could object.

 

“Alec...”

 

“Magnus.”

 

There's a fire in Alec's eyes which dares him to try to convince him otherwise. If he wasn't injured, Alec would most certainly be trying to right his wrongs already.

 

“You're the greatest warlock I've ever met. The most compassionate and the most selfless.”

 

Magnus raises an eyebrow at that because he does love getting well-paid for spells and potions. He used to. He doesn't realize he's been shaking until Alec's hand rubs up and down his arm, comforting _him_ this time.

 

“This isn't fair to you and as much as I love your eyes, I'll give everything for you to be able to glamour them again.”

 

“Not everything...”

 

“You've given up everything because of me so...”

 

“Hey, now, this isn't your faut, Alexander. You do know that, right? It _isn't_ ,” Magnus insists when silence stretches instead of an actual answer. “It was my choice. _My_ choice to go to Edom and my choice to confront my father and if anyone has to be blamed it's Lilith. And Lorenzo maybe,” he adds under his breath.

 

He wonders what the new High Warlock will say when he hears the news. He'll gloat. Most probably. Magnus makes a gagging noise.

 

“You went because because of me. Because Jace is my _parabatai_ and...”

 

“I went because _I_ made a mistake helping Lilith in the first place. I went because I needed to stop her and giving up my magic was better than the alternative. I can live without magic, I think, I don't know I've never done it, but I can't live without you. I couldn't stay in Edom. I couldn't bear not seeing you again. I couldn't bear doing all the tings I did when I was younger again. It's _not_ your fault, Alec. It really isn't.”

 

“I'm still going to Edom if I have to.”

 

It's spoken with such leadership vibes that Magnus knows that's that. This is a level of dedication he isn't used to and it mends the shards of his heart which had been breaking while he was talking. He doesn't know how to do it. How to be a mundane. Magic was everything. Every second of every minute of every day and it's terrifying. There's a gap inside of him, a void which can't be filled and speaking about it makes it worse because it makes it real.

 

“I love you, Magnus,” Alec professes, eyes intense. “And I'll be here every single day if you want me. So we can figure this out together.”

 

“Why wouldn't I want you?” Magnus' voice is still so full of disbelief, he'll never come to terms with his luck. “You really are an extraordinaire Shadowhunter. One of a kind. I would have never thought, not in a million years that I could fall for a Shadowhunter and yet here you are. My Shadowhunter. The only one that matters.”

 

Alec's heart thuds at the whispered words. At the declaration and the reassurance that they are fine amid the tragedy and the unknown future. Magnus and him, they'll be okay. Perhaps not emotionally or physically for the time being or the days to come but eventually and overall, they will be.

 

“For the record, you're the only warlock I ever want. The only man. My Magnus. Caring and sassy.” Magnus has to agree with that description. “And whatever has happened, that won't change.”

 

Magnus looks down suddenly when they hear footsteps approaching. Lost in his distress and the outpour of love he'd managed to forget where he is. With Alec he's comfortable, but strangers don't get to witness his weaknesses. He closes his eyes, dabs at them to get rid of the few tears. Alec won't let go of his hand. Not even when the medic is back to check on him.

 

She undoes the bandage on his chest, nods to herself and lets Alec have his stele for the remainder of the night. After she's made him swear he would get some rest.

 

“I'll make sure he does,” Magnus steps up, earning a dark look from Alec and a suspicious one from the doctor until she decides he must be serious. Not that he would know of, he's resolutely not looking at her.

 

“Thank you. And by rest I mean not moving and getting some sleep.”

 

“Whatever you say, Alicia,” Alec mumbles.

 

Mildly satisfied, she turns around, muttering about difficult patients and field soldiers being pains. She's a good medic, though, and Alec is glad she's around.

 

It's cool in the room with nobody else in it and Magnus resorts to handing to Alec his discarded coat to keep him warm a little bit. It draps around his shoulders and it smells like Magnus, but also like fire and something oddly out of place. It smells like Edom.

 

Alec settles back on the bed, defeated and tired. He has no energy to bicker with Magnus of all people to let him leave the medical center. After all, Magnus is here, getting comfortable in a chair and yawning. It seems like a good enough place to be right now.

 

“You can have a guest toom, too, if you want. Or my room,” Alec offers. “I don't mind. Nobody has used it in so long. Unless you'd rather go home...,” he trails off.

 

Magnus used to seek solitude when things were bad and maybe at one point he will need it. For now, though, there's no place he'd rather be. He can't have Alec injuring himself further by trying to hasten his recovery.

 

“I'm not going anywhere, darling. Or maybe just to your office to get the alcohol.”

 

“My mom?”

 

“Yep. She also had some very interesting stories to tell about this,” Magnus points at the photograph close to the stele Alec isn't apparently allowed to touch for another hour. Alec groans with embarassment.

 

“Actually, you know what? We've been through Hell and back. I wouldn't mind a drink.”

 

“Two whiskey rocks coming right up. I hear that's the best medicine.”

 

Magnus stands up, summoning all the cheerfulness he has left in him.

 

“It's also the only thing available in that cabinet. Also, good luck finding any ice.”

 

“Two whiskeys, neat, then.”

 

He rubs his hands and would leave if not for the fingers tugging at his shirt.

 

“Thank you for being here,” Alec says quietly. “Thank you for coming back and not leaving.”

 

“Thank you for not dying on me.”

 

If Magnus had come back to find Alec already dead, or if he had lost him during the night, due to his inability to heal him, Magnus knows he wouldn't be in the Institute right now. He most certainly wouldn't be around at all.

 

But that's a scenario which didn't happen so Magnus kisses Alec's cheek softly and then he's off, evading looks and gossips again. Simon and Izzy are nowhere in sight this time.

 

Magnus has a glass by himself in Alec's office. A congratulatory drink for having made it through these first few hours in a new living hell. Then he has a second before having to go through the op center again. To steady his nerves. To numb the pain.

 

Then he has a third and a fourth when he's back by Alec's side. The fourth being on behalf of his boyfriend who has fallen asleep.

 

Magnus settles in his chair again, Alec's sweater on his lap, eyes on the rising and falling of his boyfriend's chest. It's a steady, calming rhythm. Magnus grabs the hand dangling of the edge of the bed and doesn't let go, even when Maryse appears again. Just checking in. Smiling and nodding at him before going to find a guest room for herself. She doesn't need an invitation or permission. She used to run the place.

 

Alec will be well looked after, he will be fine. Magnus will be too. It will take longer but he has people caring for hi as well.

 

Maryse can finally breathe easily again, so late into the night, knowing that all her children will be all right, one way or another. Her natural ones. The one she adopted. And the one that love brought in.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I usually give my Tumblr @ at the end of fics but I've deserted Tumblr since June 4th. You can find me on Twitter: @mellyb6
> 
> Also, #saveshadowhunters #youcowards


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